In my preceeding logs I've gone into some detail about certain spiritual deficiencies that I find present in myself and others. Using drugs may be the catalyst of my condition, but its not the root cause of my disease. The fact is that these deficiencies are but symptoms of a spiritual malady. Overcoming this malady is to never have to worry about what someone else knows about me or might do to me. The need to act out in ways that our inapropriate is replaced by a desire to achieve serenity and peace. This peace of mind is a direct result of my correcting the inner short-comings that tend to cause me so much trouble. First I need to identify what these short-comings are and then not find it necessary to act on them. Its pretty simple, yet its not allways easy. I had to learn to overcome patterns in my behavior that developed over a period of many years. I had to accept myself as I was, and no longer try and be someone I'm not. Whether it's with a family member, a friend or peer, or the girl I just met and find attractive.
Living in this manner I'm no longer in constant collision with the people around me. I no longer threaten other people's security, nor do I give them the power to threaten mine. Identifying my short-comings came slowly over a period of many years. Some were realized in my 4th step and others I learned from living like a jerk. Either way God finds a way to bring these things to our attention. Sometimes it happens real subtle and other times it can be like a 2 by 4 across the back of your head. Once I recognized my short-comings, things like lust, self-centeredness, pride, self-esteem and fear it became a process of learning how not to act on them. Some of these defects I believe are built into us so deep that not acting on them can be like not breathing. I know over the years I became programed like a computer.
Today, whenever a situation pops up I ask myself one question. Who do you want to be today? Do I want to be a person of character, or do I want to be that crazy addict that lied, cheated and stole his way through life. The answer is very simple, I can't live dirty and still stay clean. I need to remember that my primary purpose today is to stay clean and help another addict. As long as I do that I have a shot at being a better person. Hopefully a grateful person, because a grateful addict doesn't find it necessary to pick up.
Have a great day, Bob
Bob,
We're really enjoying reading your posts! Keep up the great work. David and Wendi
Posted by: Wendi | March 29, 2005 at 09:39 PM
Great Post Bob
I can totally identify with all of it. Character defects, ugh. Acting instead of reacting was one of the hardest things I had to learn, but its becoming part of my daily living and Im much more at peace with myself.
Posted by: doughgirl03833 | March 29, 2005 at 10:30 PM
Your posts show the work you've put in Bob, I am trying to work on gratitude and positivilty just now. :-)
Posted by: Grace | April 02, 2005 at 05:43 AM
As I sit here waiting for the moment of going to work, I am listening to the background of The Pope in grave condition. I hope we can even accomplish one molicule of what he has. We do though, as we watch the people in our rooms grow. I found you on dryblog. I am really getting alot from your writings.Of course I am also recovering and experiencing my shortcomings. I laugh at them alot. It is sorta funny. Have a good day. Beth in Dallas
Posted by: Beth | April 02, 2005 at 11:47 AM
hey I finally found another person in recovery on a blog.
Please come out and check mine, you will see my memoirs to the upper right of the page. I love this blog, very well written and emotionally composed.
Love
Heroinegirl
Posted by: heroinegirl | April 04, 2005 at 07:20 PM
Keep up the good work my bro. Keep coming! Peace, JJ
Posted by: JJ | April 06, 2005 at 06:35 AM
You coming back ?????
Posted by: doughgirl | April 14, 2005 at 02:22 PM
Hey Bob,
This is a great blog. Thank you so much for putting the time into it.
Jane
Posted by: Jane | April 24, 2005 at 05:13 PM
I really enjoyed reading your blog. I have a website directory with over 14000 listing for rehabs and like services but no listings for good down to earth stuff like yours. It would be great if you might consider putting a listing under suppport groups, as I think everyone needs encouragement and other's advice without having to spent a dime. Take care and stay with it. http://www.usdrugrehabcenters.com/
Posted by: Terry | May 12, 2005 at 07:43 PM
I totally get being threatened by someone eles security. Thanks
Posted by: Trudge | May 24, 2005 at 06:01 PM
Nice pages here. Great information. Will visit again and recommend.
Posted by: rogers | January 14, 2007 at 05:15 PM